My road to parenthood didn’t start in the most romantic of ways as a matter of fact it started on an air mattress in the middle of my friends Living room approximately 6 hours after I walked across the stage to get my high school diploma. The guy wasn’t a stranger I had dated him for well over a year. We had broken up though the month before when in a drunken rage he beat me up for being 15 mins late getting to his house. I was devastated, he had gotten physical before but never to the extent of that day. I couldn’t hide the after effects of the altercation and my mom h had him arrested. I hadn’t seen him since that day till the night I graduated from high school. The friend whose house I was at that night happened to be his baby sister’s and he showed up drunk himself and well one thing led to the other. I didn’t think getting pregnant was even a possibility because I was on the pill and had been for years due to female problems and he wore a condom.And to be honest he was the last person I would’ve picked to father a child. We went our separate ways that next morning with only a few phone calls between us till that fateful day in August when I put together the clues of no menstrual cycle and not being able to stand certain smells without losing what little I was able to get into my stomach and figured I better get myself somewhere and get a pregnancy test. It was only 11 days till my 18th birthday and I was gonna be a mom. Despite the physical violence I let myself be swayed by the promises he would never hit me again and his heart felt and got back together with him because I was terrified of doing the parent thing alone.. Little did I know I would be doing it anyways..
With healing comes pain. Deep and to the core. The pain must come though before the cleansing can occur. So many things happened whether intentional or not to cause a rift larger than the grand canyon and harder to breach than to climb Mt. Everest in shorts and flip-flops.. This blog will be my place to mark my journey to forgiveness of myself. To examine my heart and find the truth in myself. To look to the past, confess my mistakes, release the core of my pain as I begin the healing of mine and my daughter’s relationship… This is a journal in how NOT to raise your children..